If you haven’t found a label for your sexual and/or romantic status, that’s okay.
It’s okay if you’re 15, or if you’re 20. It’s okay if you’re 30, or if you’re 40, or if you’re 75. It’s okay if you’re single, or if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, or if you’ve been married for a decade. It’s okay if you’ve had sex, if you haven’t had sex, if you want to have sex, if you don’t want to have sex right now, or ever. And it’s okay to change your mind, to not feel tomorrow the way you feel today.
There are a lot of labels out there these days. That’s great, because some people hear one or more of those labels and go “… yes, that’s me, there’s a word for me!” And many people take comfort in that. But just because some people take comfort in those labels doesn’t mean any of those labels need to fit you. If your reaction to a particular label is “eh, that’s not quite it,” then it’s not your label.
Labels are not the be-all and end-all of defining your sexual or romantic nature. Sometimes, here on Tumblr, it feels like there should be a label for everyone, like you should be able to slot yourself into some category. Hetero, homo, bi; ace or demi, pan or omni – it feels like there are enough choices that everyone should fit somewhere, right? WRONG. Because at the end of the day, you’re the only person who feels the way you do. You don’t have the same desires as anyone else, you don’t care about people in the exact same way someone else does.
People talk about spectrums, which to my mind are better ways of defining this sort of thing than any one label. But you’re not required to announce your place on the spectrum. You’re not required to make some kind of mark on the spectrum so that anyone knows where you stand. You’re not even required to stay at the same place on the spectrum for your entire life, or even an entire week. Whatever you want right now, whatever feels right at this particular moment – that’s okay. That’s where you need to be. And there’s no need to slap a label on it if it doesn’t feel right to you.
You don’t have to justify the way you feel to anyone. Not yourself, not family or friends, and certainly not the internet at large. There’s a feeling sometimes, here on the internet, that you need to take sides – you need to identify with someone, to belong to a group of people who are just like you. But, as someone who hasn’t found a proper label for her own sexual or romantic status in nearly 40 years, I’m here to tell you that you don’t. Maybe it sucks sometimes to not have a month or a parade or a flag to wave, but there’s nothing wrong with you in any way if you don’t choose a word for yourself. This isn’t a school project, you don’t have to pick a group to work with. All you have to do is respect that what you feel at any given moment is valid – and that whatever someone else tells you about their own sexuality or romantic nature is equally as valid.
You’re okay, with or without a label. Your feelings are valid. Trust me on this.