But I also want an option that’s testing ONLY. Some kids don’t show up for class not because they’re slackers, but because they’re obsessed with their work in the lab, or they have better things to read, or their teachers are awful — or they just cannot stand to be condescended to for one more minute. Let’s acknowledge that, just as some kids just crumble under test pressure, some kids cannot maintain the finely orchestrated, four-year-long social performance that is required to conform, make nice, and fulfill the arbitrary requirements of dozens of adult strangers, some of whom frankly should not be teaching, or who like to penalize students who challenge them.
To me, feminism is also about liberating men from the stereotypes that they have to be the breadwinners, that they have to be a certain way, and they can’t explore their feminine sides. That’s crippling men. That’s crippling how fully men can experience their emotional lives and everything. They have to bond with each other by putting women down? That’s sad. What about having real friendships? Wouldn’t that be great?
Do you think Derek Hale does his own taxes? Or does he have an accountant? It must be complicated, since he’s very rich from life insurance and fire insurance and everything. That would be tricky to manage on his own with TurboTax. Does he save documents all year long so he can do his taxes? Does he let Mr. Adams at the accounting firm take care of it? Does Mr. Adams want him to look at statements before signing on the return? Does Mr. Adams ask if he can fax things over and Derek says “I don’t have a fax machine” and so Mr. Adams sighs and says he’ll talk to his assistant and work something out?
Does Derek also have a financial advisor who manages his portfolio? Does he get emails asking him if he wants to diversify? Has he invested in startups? Did Derek invest in Twitter on a whim and accidentally increase his wealth by an insane amount? Did he once sheepishly call Mr. Adams and ask about setting up a charitable trust because Derek accidentally tripled his savings?
I JUST TOLD CRIMSONCLAD THAT THE ONLY THING I CARE MORE ABOUT THAN NIPPLES IS DEREK HALE DOING MENIAL AS HELL TASKS.
DOES MR ADAMS MAKE DEREK HALE GET A PO BOX BECAUSE MAIL PEOPLE ARE SMARTER THAN ADOLESCENT BOYS AND REFUSE TO GO ANYWHERE NEAR THE LOFT’S MAILBOX? (IT’S A CARDBOARD BOX ON WHICH DEREK HALE SCRAWLED “MAIL PLZ” IN CRAYON.) DEREK KIND OF LIKES PICKING UP HIS MAIL FROM HIS POST OFFICE BOX CUZ HE LIKES GETTING MAIL EVEN THOUGH ITS MOSTLY FOR CREDIT CARDS AND CATALOGS. HE FLIPS THROUGH THE LANDS END CATALOG ANYWAY. WHO KNOWS? MAYBE HE WANTS SOMETHING. YOU DON’T KNOW HIS LIFE.
omg omg Derek getting mail! DEREK GETTING MAIL.
-letters from his middle school pen pal, Larry. Larry lives in Iowa. Derek still writes to him faithfully.
-fundraising appeals from the basketball camp he went to for two summers. “Our campers love learning about the DRIVE TO WIN and GOOD SPORTSMANSHIP!”
-subscription to Highlights. He hasn’t paid for it in decades, he keeps trying to tell them to stop sending it, but it just keeps coming. “Get it TOGETHER, Goofus,” he sighs.
-His old babysitter Mrs. Elmore sends him a check for five dollars on his birthday every year.
OK, but I want to know exactly what it is Derek tells his middle school pen pal Larry about his life. Like I’m guessing he doesn’t lie, just leaves out…almost everything?
"I was dating this really nice teacher for a little while but it didn’t work out."
"It’s hard making friends."
"Fitness is really important to me."
"Sometimes I wonder if I’ve made the right choices. Do you ever feel that way, Larry?"
All those sound EXTREMELY LIKELY. Also, sometimes he’ll just buy an issue of Sports Illustrated and mention topics from it in his letters. Or he’ll look up movie listings on his phone—not to SEE any of them, but he’ll ask Larry if HE has seen them, and when Larry writes back he will often explain the plots of those movies to Derek. That’s why Derek was once able to get a joke that Scott made about Ryan Reynolds. Scott looked proud of him, and Derek felt proud of himself. Larry is a true friend.
But what happens when Larry happens to be in California for a business trip? He’s just going to swing over to meet Derek, it’s only an hour’s drive, and they’ve been writing to each other for such a long time. It’ll be cool to finally put a face to the name, right?
And of course when Larry meets everyone it’s a hideously embarrassing exercise, because he keeps saying, “Wow, you’re just like I imagined!” or alluding to things that Derek said about them, things that Derek didn’t think were ever going to go beyond Larry.
Oh man, it’s like fake-married trope, but instead it is “fake functional human adult life” trope!
"Yeah, I totally have a refrigerator in my loft, Larry! And I definitely did NOT order it on my phone five minutes ago, NOR did I send Isaac a text asking if he would go meet the delivery truck!" And I have definitely had running water in all of my residences for the past few months. I have definitely never ever been reduced to brushing my teeth with the water that has gathered in an empty bucket out on my loft balcony. Oh, and all my closest friends absolutely come over here for reasons other than horrible murders. Like, we hang out and play games all the time, and no one bleeds at all."